Apparently there’s no written lyrics available online for this song, or at least none that I could find – but it’s worth listening to, so I (updated!) transcribed it below. It’s featured on a compliation tribute album to Super Mario RPG: Legend Of The Seven Stars, one of the best RPGs (one of the best games period) for the SNES. Download it from gamemusic4all.com: http://gamemusic4all.com/heavytroopa.html

Basicly, there’s a bunch of drug references, and it stars a bunch of mario characters. The lyrics are clever, and the chopped up mario rpg bgm in the background is fairly genius. Mario has to save the princess, who is super high, and has of course been kidnapped by bowser, who he beats by having a weed-smoking contest. “That’s the last time I go to a Mario Party, man…”

TOAD:

Yo man, you need to get over here, like right now, man… like right, right now… like -

like earlier then right now, ’cause I had to say it like three times!

Man, she over here, playin’ Smash Brother, homey, she fistin’ that brother’s smash, you got

to get over here and stop it ’cause the pipe is fit to be laid.

MARIO:

Ha! Psychosiz!

TOAD:

I’m tellin’ you, I’m – psh, okay…

TOAD:

Dude who owns the house, parents both are out

So we hit up some bitches, to try to smoke ‘em out

But some bad guys showed up, started pokin’ around

Found our stash, bro, and started chokin’ it down

Now everybody’s high as fuck, skulkin’ around,

Tokin’ a pound of shit they shouldn’t be fuckin’ around with

Then some college dude with no follow through

Jumps off the roof in a frog suit into a hollow pool

Bitches slidin’ down flagpoles to follow through

Plus the plumbing’s all fucked up, that’s when I called you

This bitch is crazy and her sister Daisey’s off too

Daddy’s little princess floating drunk out her prom shoes

MARIO:

Is she off E or X?

TOAD:

Hopefully both I think

Plus she was smokin’ weed with coke and tweak

Well coke at least and maybe dope I think

Oh – well she was drinkin’ though, I mean that I know fo’ sheez

‘Cause she was off at least two before the troopas even seen boo

And another few before that other two even seeped through

By they took princess off the sea king of the Riku(?)

She was off LSD, askin’ what the weed do

MARIO:

Where is she?

TOAD:

Last we knew in the dinin’ room with some grimy dude

Dragged her off, kinda rude, to try some shrooms

Emo kinda’ dude, red spiky do, Shell Toes and pelt(?) nose

MARIO:

That’s him!

TOAD:

Friend of yours?

MARIO:

Hell no!

TOAD:

Whoa, you think you can go in there sober man, guess again

Lesson plan: stay away from the purple tops as best you can!

Usually I’m on deck, but damn…

I’m outa’ shrooms, take this one, this green one’s extra, man

MARIO:

Into the party on a mission, scopin’ the scene

They thought that Mario was missin’? By no fuckin’ means

Hit the kitchen, could barely see over the weed smoke

Some dude in a raccoon fur rollin’ a leaf, “Yo -

If I was lookin’ for shrooms, where would I be?”

TANUKI:

“Well this is the kitchen, and that door there is to the street

There’s the bathroom, and another upstairs in between

The master bedroom and the nursery for the trees

But there’s too many shy-guys on the high-rise to slide by,

I’m all about my coins -”

MARIO:

“I’ll do you better than that!”

TANUKI:

“…well if you can fly high you can glide by,

Is you pimp? Take this cape and this feathered hat.”

MARIO:

Mashed to the living room, then I dashed through it

Fast to the dining room, then I passed through it

Smashed to the bathroom door, then I crashed through it

Feet barely on the floor, yellin’ “Peach, don’t do it!”

another TOAD:

“Mario, gnarly bro, you saved me from some bad shrooms,

Sorry though, princess is in another bathroom!”

MARIO:

Damn, flew upstairs, past two hammered brothers,

The latter muttered cuss words under a stammered stutter:

HAMMERED BROS:

“G-got that bob-omb shit,”

MARIO:

Words slurred at a turtle’s pace,

HAMMERED BROS:

“It’s off the chain, chomp it!”

MARIO:

“Stop it! That shit’s purple-laced!”

HAMMERED BROS:

“Nah, it’s vanilla-plain, scouts’ honor bro, I would know!

What are you, a doctor? Are you Dr. Mario?”

MARIO:

That’s when I heard

PRINCESS:

“Stop!”

MARIO:

And

BOTH:

“No!”

MARIO:

… from the third door, followed by,

BOWSER:

“What you goin’ into your purse for?”

PRINCESS:

“To find me a weapon!”

BOWSER:

“It’s not gonna stop me.”

PRINCESS?:

“But it’ll buy me a second!”

MARIO:

… and that’s all that I need.

The first door opened first, more smoke

Then out came some bird-ho with a shirt torn open

Took a few hits off a loose spliff, threw up her lunch

I hit the blue switch and the room lit up at once, heard,

MAGIKOOPA:

“Dude, you fucked it up!”

MARIO:

… apparent distress from some noob,

Probably the dude whose parents had left

Shirt so long, it looked like he was wearin’ a dress

Adjusted his glasses, still preparin’ to sex

Put on his hat and asked,

MAGIKOOPA:

“Mario, you ever hit stress?”

MARIO:

Took out a wand in the shape of a bong – or vice versa

MAGIKOOPA:

“This doesn’t concern you, don’t make me have to hurt ya”

MARIO:

Scooped up some hashish out a newer baggie and threw it at me

tryin’ to escape via the ladder at the window

I jumped the wand, and used the cape to shoot a hash-seed-spin

Then reflected it back usin’ the wind-flow

it didn’t matter in the end, though -

He fell off the balcony yellin’,

MAGIKOOPA:

“Bury me with my Nintendo!”

MARIO:

Canvas(???), you cool an’ all? What you doin’ dog?

Silhouette at the door, but couldn’t make it out through the fog

Just some fat guy, butterball status,

Wearin’ the same fit as me, colours all backwards,

Looked at ‘im, pushed past ‘im,

“Bite an ass, nigga” (?)

Took off the cape, then it’s back to the classic look

Hit the doorway, hit the hallway, hit the master bedroom door -

TOAD:

“Wait!

King-K stay on some major shit, laced and lit, I’m talkin’ breakin’ bricks,

If I was you, I’d save and quit!”

MARIO:

“I can’t!”

TOAD:

“Well at least think of takin’ this.”

MARIO:

“What? Toad, I’m already baked a bit

For this, I need somethin’ more than chronic power -”

TOAD:

“What? This ain’t marijuana, this that fire flower!”

MARIO:

Blueberry purple haze!

TOAD:

“This that fire flower!”

MARIO:

OG kush chronic dank!

TOAD:

“This that fire flower!”

MARIO:

Kicked in the door, trippin’ the floor cords(?),

All I heard was Thirsty Fish live on G4

BOWSER:

“What’s your problem, what you gotta rival me for?

Always steppin’ on my Shell Toes, nigga no more!

Think I’m scared of y’all?

(to Peach) Bitch, you hit me with that parasol and after I grab you by the hair I’ll tear it off

I’m fair and all, you wanna fight for the shrooms?

One leaves here tonight, the other leaves his life in a tomb!”

MARIO:

One beam of light reflected off the one greenest pipe in the room

He picked it up, lit it up, and ignited the room

With a POW!

And everybody fell on they back

He passed it to me, I inhaled, and sent it right back

With a POW!

And I was back up just like that

He reached for his stash back before he could grab it

I back-flipped and landed just out of reach

Took his store-bag went Ghost and dipped out with Peach

Down the – down the rainbow road, hit the street

Seein’ colours – “Let’s get the fuck off Koopa Beach!”

TOAD:

“Yo, she cool?”

MARIO:

“Hardly, man -”

TOAD:

“Yo she gone Yoshi Safarin’,

That’s the last time I go to a Mario Party, man!

All some derelict fix, perilous shit,

Type of bitch have you jumpin’ over barrels and shit!

Man, we could be playin’ golf,

we could be playin’ tennis,

We could be go-kartin’,

This bitch got – got us over here on this bullshit.”

MARIO:

“Man, we could be bumpin’ that Super Mario Brothers, what we could be doin’.”

TOAD:

“You touchin’ my weed?”